The distance between these two of mine is the 20 years experience of parenting. I see in her where I began, and in him where I’m heading towards. If I were to speak to the ‘me’ of 20 years a go, I would say this: Children are not play dough you get to shape and make imprints on. They come with a complete package. You just have to help open the package, nourish the good bits, and help them prune the dud bits. If they refuse to do the pruning despite all efforts, you just have to stand back. You can’t prune for them. You can’t hold their hands and prune with them. You can only model pruning and teach them how to use the pruning tools. Think of Prophet Jacob (PBUH). He had ten children who continued to lie about Joseph for years. He didn’t leave them. He didn’t stop giving advice to them. He didn’t blame himself. He didn’t give up hope in God’s mercy. He continued to pray for them. He didn’t constantly accuse and prosecute them. He was actively and beautifully patient. A parent is not even a coach – because a coach has expectations of a return from those he trains. You are a trustee. You receive without expectations of outcome or returns. WITHOUT. EXPECTATIONS. That’s the toughest bit, I know, but perhaps it is the most important lesson of parenting. Don’t define yourself with a title eg a lawyer, a mother, a wife. You are so much more than that. The only title worthy of carrying is “stewart”. This nobel stewardship granted by God requires you to believe that God is on your side; trust that God will not give you more than what you can handle; and that God doesn’t look at outcomes, He is only concerned with your intentions and effort. So align your intentions with your stewardship position. This will bring a sense of peace and serenity to your life. You are growing with them, so be gentle on your self. STOP being a perfectionist and try focus on enjoying the growth process. Practice gratitude. If you say you are grateful but you are feeling anger and resentment towards your children or God or yourself or your parents, then you are really NOT practising gratitude. Take care of your garden. Take long walks. Take breaks. ❤